I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
