You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
