fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
