At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i dont even know how to be here
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
