i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
