I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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