dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
