roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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