First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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