Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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