I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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