I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
