fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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