Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
