bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
