Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
