you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
