this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
