Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
