what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
