Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
