i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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