He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
