ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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