oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
