All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
