i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
