I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
