so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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