Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
