Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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