I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want a musical about memes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
