Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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