i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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