My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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