hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
