Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
