I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
