jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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