well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
