how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
