He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
