woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
