I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There's always time for handjobs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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