how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
