im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
