just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
