am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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