How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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