We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
