do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
