I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
