If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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