i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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